A Mirror in Hypertext..

Some say time heals everthing, but right now nothing can change what has happened. I’m so depressed that I want to runaway from everything.

Happiness is something no one can buy - not even fame. As the case of the late Anna Nicole Smith, she was not happy despite her abundant wealth. Some people may see me as a very lucky person. And yes, I do feel I should be more grateful.

I should be grateful that I am given the privilege to study overseas with a full scholarship. Grateful to have a loving family and someone special who loves me. But lately, I feel as if the closest people to me simply don’t know me.

I’ve been so restricted and constricted in my life. From how I should dress, what to pursue on..Although I admit, they have the best intentions and I am obliged to listen. And yet, there are times when I feel so depressed and frustrated.

I have dreams and ambitions which have never been fulfilled. Right now, I’ve only fulfilled the wishes of other people - I’ve made everyone happy except myself.

Now is my turn.

I guess human beings are born to be ungrateful. Thus, I repent and sincerely hope I can regain my strength to continue life with all its obstacles and challenges.

Bismillah..

In the meantime, I turn to shopping to satisfy myself. I feel satisfied when I buy things I wouldn’t be able to buy if I wasn’t alone. I feel satisfied that I can buy things for my loved ones and see their happiness once I present the gifts. The hundreds of dollars I spent for oleh-oleh for my immediate family are incomparable with the satisfaction I attained.

I’ve also turned to shopping as a way to runaway from my problems. Shopping has been and I presume will always be associated with women. Although I am not a shopacholic, I consider shopping as more than just buying one’s necessities or keeping up with the latest trends. But it’s a way to liberate oneself from the mechanisms of domination.

Well, it is for me anyway. And no doubt, many will contest this.

I just hope it won’t lead me to bankruptcy!